Good Questions

It’s all a mask. Or a coping mechanism. Something else lies beneath the questions that edge between my lips. I place the mask of my desires upon another situation, a new house, a school, whatever the next achievement feels like. It distracts me from actually looking at the wisdom housed in my bones. That I hold every answer to the questions worth asking. In this, I pose that there might actually be a stupid question, if the question itself does not seek to heal but instead to distract.

And the truth of that inquiry lies buried beneath its shapes and textures. The indescribable propensity to keep knowing. Of course this story of the mind is told as a rom-com, a quest, a silly little heroes journey somewhere beyond but it’s really just our shaky fingers reaching towards our heart. An allegorical spiral towards integration to wholeness that already lies waiting beneath the facade of our stories and myths and projections.

I’ve found that my mind is fully capable of supplying me with another question should I become bored. Should I actually have to sit with the discomfort of existing in a time of comfortable warfare and whiteness and privilege. The ability to question rather than actually worry for my physical safety reveals an absolute addiction to seeking as a tactic for escaping the truth. This truth being, as I stated before: we hold every answer to the questions worth asking, inside our bones.

In my perpetual drive of seeking as escapism, I continue creating narratives to justify the absolute abhorrence that bleeds the periphery of this capitalistic nightmare we exist inside. The bombs sound in the soul of humanity, yet my sound machine drowns the silence that allows me to feel the full weight of this pain. I can continue numbing and justifying and answering questions that keep me from ever applying myself towards an actual solution. The solution is Truth and truth is a sword.

This sword is not to be used as violent propaganda against ourself and others, but as a relieving mechanism to encountering and unveiling our capital T, Truth.

There is a delicate edge upon the sword of my mind. This edge is walking the tight rope between questions that heal and questions that distract. The questions that heal are in themselves, painful. This is the paradox. That in order to liberate the pain held within, it must be acknowledged. It must be dissected and cut into. I must see myself as a perpetrator of harmful narratives, fueling the colonized dream of reality with my own flavor of harm. I must be willing to unveil that which promises the destruction of my delusional reality. And the Truth comes forward by way of the Good Question.

My innocent mask of confusion should be award winning. This is my flavor of numbing, and unconscious resistance to bring forth the truth, for myself. This mask allows me to exist in chaos, never seeing clearly outside my immediate environment. Maintaining this charade allows me to continue inhabiting these shadowy depths of what might actually be the path to healing. The shadows also help to perpetuate and lull the spirit back to sleep in order to avoid its pain. We cast demons out by calling their name, first. It binds us all. But Truth is a balm as much as it is a sword.

The dissonant frequency of shadow is openly welcomed by the community seeking escape from Truth. It allows us to continue appearing to dance in the light of each other’s love while actually throwing literal bombs at each other and holding the hands of our demons masked in good intention, quelling the light of truth that threatens to burn and heal. Because the pain that is required for our healing might actually destroy us. We are hard wired not to be destroyed.

It is only until we can actually accept the absolute desecration of our demons that sing to us gently, patting our heads, numbing our Truth before we can begin the long journey home to our heart. This journey is one of courageous inquiry into the depths and darkness that we contain. I can tell you from experience, it is exhausting.

As we journey to our heart, we journey to the heart of humanity. We risk adding more light and love to the blaze of goodness that cannot be extinguished. And it is a heavy burden and an ongoing journey to continue holding that torch and holding the pain of those who cannot yet.

Of course, in order to begin, we must peel back the masks of our own ignorance and acquiescence to pain. This pain has always been there. Our demons mask this pain, in the ways that we numb and ignore our humanity. Yet it’s already there, just beneath the surface and it shows it’s face within the inflammatory responses of our flesh and dis-ease.

Truth is as much as a balm, as it is a sword. When we heal, we remove the weight of our ignorance upon the plight of humanity, upon ourselves. We accept responsibility. We chop the wood of remembrance and carry the water of healing. It is not easy work, but it simple. It asks us to look at our masks. It asks us to call the names of our demons. It asks to find the Good Question.

And we hold every answer to the question worth asking.

I am preparing a new offering called “Breath of Fire”. This session is a reflection of the gifts and light that you shine into the world and by breathing life into those areas to recenter your wholeness back into the present moment, we prepare you to alchemize the lead of your life towards the gold of who you already are.

If you’re curious to hear more and trial this new offering with me, please feel free to message me here or on Instagram @kodie.smiley to inquire more.